I have been so uninspired to write on here lately. It is not like things are boring around here.
I could write about tomorrow being the last day of school, and how much I look forward to summer with my kids home. I could write about Nolans 8th grade recognition night. I could write about Riley being a Senior next year. Or my struggles with being a wise and courageous mom to my oldest son. Or my struggle with God right now, and some questions I long to have answered, to understand because I can not move past them.
I could write about the fact that its STILL raining and really muddy [I hate mud! :)]. I could write about so many things... but I can't sit long enough and think about them to write something worth reading.
ALL I can think about are my girls, still waiting for their mama to come and get them. My heart still not whole. My tears, as I cry once again in the middle of the night missing them more than any words can say. My longing to hear their sweet laughter once again, to smell their hair, to see them sleeping, to see their little bodies, whole, in the bathtub getting clean. It amazes me how much I want to bathe them, hear them cry, see them sleep, see them eat... KNOW them as only a mama can!
My heart wholly loves them both, but I long to wholly know them!!! There's so much I don't know! And I WANT TO. I WANT TO KNOW these things so badly that sometimes I can't sleep. And then sometimes I don't want to wake up because I am dreaming of them.
NO, this is not medical depression. This is situational, and only having them home will fix it.
I have JOY in my life, in my family, in MY GOD... and GOD does understand. I am consumed by a love for two little girls that he placed in my heart upon my creation. And so tears flow ... a lot... and that is okay. I am okay! He understands. And he holds onto me, onto the girls... so that we can get through the wait.