Monday, August 31, 2009

God is so patient with me....

... and I am so impatient with Him, or at least with things, specifically and most esp. this adoption!

There is a a song I keep singing today. It goes:

I`m here to meet with you
come and meet with me
I`m here to find you
reveal yourself to me

As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, you draw me to your arms
As I stand you come and sing your praise
You come, you come and you fill this place
Won`t you come, Won`t you come and fill this place

I`m here to meet with you
Come and meet with me
I`m here to find you,
reveal yourself to me

As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, you draw me to your arms
As I stand you come and sing your praise
You come, you come and you fill this place
Won`t you come, Won`t you come and fill this place
Lord come Lord com eand fill this place

I`m here to meet with you
Come and meet with me

Sunday, August 30, 2009

So many amazing young ones waiting in Bulgaria!

Please inquire! They are in need of families! Some with mild special needs, Down syndrome, CP, and other issues....

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Just a quickie!

God is AWESOME! While I know this does not surprise most of you, I had to say it anyway!

My garage sale raised just $30 over the amount needed to mail off my I800a on Monday! HOW COOL IS THAT?????? [a special thanks to my mom and grandma for their time and donations!!!!!]

August is always a terrible month for us as we have school enrollment, supplies, car taxes and tags, and to top it off my sons 15th birthday AND my daughter ended up taking 2 college classes, through the highschool, that cost a ridiculous amount in my opinion! So the money I had set aside for my USCIS fees was used up! But God is AWESOME and replaced it for me! Thank you Lord! [and I KNOW God is AWESOME for more reasons than that I got what I wanted! :) But these girls need to come home and Gods hands are moving!!!!]

Girls, we are coming! Slowly, but surely!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

wow... a stranger wishes to give me money!

I received the following email today:

Dear God's elect,
I am writing this mail to you with tears In my eyes and great sorrow in my heart,My Name is Alice Idrissa Toyo.I am contacting you from my country Tunisia I want to tell you this because i don't have any other option than to tell you as i was touched to open up to you,I am married to Mr Idrissa Toyo who worked with Tunisia embassy in in Burkina Faso for nine years before he died in the year 2005..We were married for eleven years without a child he died after a brief illness that lasted for five days.Since his death I decided not to remarry,When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$ 8.2m(Eight million two hundred thousand dollars) in a bank in Ouagadougou the capital city of Burkina Faso in west Africa Presently this money is still in bank.He made this money available for exportation of Gold from Burkina Faso mining.

Recently after my first operation which i attch in this site some test has been carried out by my doctor he discovered that my cancer sting has done alots of damage in my body system which make my condition so critical he now advise that i should under go an operation agani if not i would not last for the period of seven months due to my cancer problem.

The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.Having known my condition I decided to hand over this money to you to take care of the less-privileged because this is a promise i made to God even before i go for the first operation and is akind of asking God to forgive my sins and deliver me from the operation.I promised God to save me from the operation that i will give all my wealth to unknown person which happen to be you so i have handed you over all this money with all the trust that i have on you to take care of the less-privileged,If only you will utilise this money the way iam going to instruct herein i want you to take 30 Percent of the total money for your personal use While 70% of the money will go to charity" people in the street and helping the orphanage, because i grew up as an Orphan so i don't have anybody as my family member, just to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.this sickness have suffered me too much,as soon as i receive your response I shall give you the contact of the bank in Burkina Faso and I will also instruct my lawyer to issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the bank, That is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.
Hoping to receive your reply.
Yours Sister Alice Idrissa

Can you believe my good fortune? I am about to become a millionaire! I, of course am writing her back right away! LOL... yea, right! :)

17 years ago today...

I was married to my best friend, my closest confidant, my first love!

I was barely 18 and he was 20. I was also 3 months preganant. We had been engaged for 4 months. It was strange wearing an engagement ring to highschool. My mom had asked me not to wear it to school, but I was so excited I just had to. [sorry mom, I def. can see more where you were coming from now! :)]

My fondest memory of the whole day was driving away to our hotel in another city, both of us laughing that it was finally over, we were finally married, and neither of us really had any idea what the heck was in store for us. I had NO IDEA how young we truly were. But my daughter is just 1 1/2 years younger than me when I was married and her boyfriend is 18. When I think of them getting married [this is just a thought, not anything going on!!!!] I just laugh and think "yea, right!" LOL

But here John and I are, 17 years later. Still best friends, still in love, still committed, still fighting the world it seems, and still laughing!

What God has joined together is glorious! I am married to my beloved.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Who has an officially approved HS you ask???

Well it just so happens that WE do! YIPPEEEE!

6 months to get here, but HERE we are!

My beautiful Yana and my adorable Shawnee,

Last year at this time I didn't even know you existed. And here I am loving you and praying for you and dreaming of you and anticipating the "birth" of 2 daughters. No one should be this blessed, and yet.... here I am. Eternally grateful, humbled that God would find fit to bless me, so undeserving, falling so short of the mom I wish I could be, and yet... I am a mother to 7, soon to be 9. I could not have dreamt my life to be any better!

Love Mama

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Expressing frustration

To be honest... I don't have very much support in this adoption. And I mean... not much at all. I think I can count TRUE support on one hand.

Now I have lots of bloggie friends and RR friends and I am so grateful to each one of you! I wish I could express just how valuable you are to me!

But I get so tired of feeling like I need to defend my love for my girls! Or my desire to make whatever sacrifices necessary to bring them home and raise them! Or my desire to adopt not only 1 special needs child, but 2!

I can not believe how many people are floored that we would adopt a blind child!! Down syndrome ... well that might be okay, because everyone knows how happy and friendly "those people" are. [WHATEVER!!!!] Still, in almost every conversation there is an undertone of disbelief, horror, confusion, and disapproval!
And sadly, I really don't think I am imagining it! I always talk about it with joy! But lately, there are few I can share this journey with that are excited or find it really cool, or even see the joy of our Father in the steps!

I hate negative attitudes.

May the glory of OUR FATHER shine in every step, every action, every prayer, every request for help and every shared confidence as we work towards bringing these little ones home! HE IS ALL THE STRENGTH WE NEED!

I gotta be honest....

Some days are so much easier than others. Today, I just want our girls home! I want to fix up their room. Buy them clothes and toys and little girly shoes and bows! I want to hold them, and marvel at their perfectness of being them, and I want to never,EVER touch another piece of required paperwork as long as I live!!!!

My HS is done, soon to be totally approved, and so we are moving forward. But today, I don't care about that. I just want them home. :(

Monday, August 17, 2009

Saturday, August 15, 2009

see no evil.......see no good

Imagine with me for a moment if you will. You are a newborn baby. You have just entered the world, and all you knew of life up to this point was the comfort of your mothers body, familiarity of smells and sounds, no hunger, no tiredness, no longing for affection... all your needs are taken care of instantly. But all this is about to change.

You see, you were born blind into a culture where this is not acceptable. Your mother must reject you as she has not been taught any different. She might have held you close, and cried over the loss of her dreams of the "perfect" child. She might have held you and cried for you, knowing the pain you will face, but praying that there will be a way for you to get a life better than what she could give you. She kisses your cheek, her tears fall onto your precious little body. Then you are taken from her.

You are taken to an orphanage where there are many more babies. Some w/o limbs, some w/o vision or hearing, some w/o the ability for much movement on their own, some that seem "perfect". But not a one will thrive, not even the "perfect" ones. There is not enough money for food, or toys, or medicine, or surgeries. There are not enough arms to hold the lonely, the scared, the hungry, the least of these...

And the sad truth is you will be one of the sadder cases in the log books. You can't see, so even while most of these little ones are ignored their world is not one of darkness. What you gain in your sensory world will be gained by hearing alone, the very occassional impersonal touch as the care giver swoops out of know where to transfer you to a bath, or stick a bottle in your mouth, or change you diaper. Few words will be uttered. Your world consists of surprise appearance by someone, and just as quickly surprise absences. There is no consistency, nothing you can depend on, nothing that makes any sense. You lay there day after day in the eerie silence so often present in the orphanages of Eastern Europe.

And you become used to being alone, used to a world that offers you nothing good, that being left alone is your best chance for survival. And you rock to comfort yourself, and you cry longing for something more, and you sit and wait for a mommy and daddy that never come. And you survive ready to give all you have to the one willing to take a chance, willing to bet it all on you, willing to say "YES LORD, SEND ME!!!"

Who are you? You are DIMITRY... You are almost 4 years old. You have forgotten what a loving touch feels like, if you ever even knew. You are one of the forgotten, the least of these, the one the world considers of no consequence, no purpose.

You do not know how loved you are. That your Father is the King of Kings! That you have a purpose! Oh how I pray that your mama is out there.... And if she is reading this I pray she emails Andrea @


Friday, August 14, 2009

The gift of a dream...

Hello My Precious Girls,

I want you to know I dreamt about you last night. I was there, with daddy to meet you for the first time. You were both so lovely! So tiny! As I held you I knew I was dreaming, but you felt so real and warm! I didn't want our time together to end!

This dream was a gift to me from God, a way to boost my patience in waiting. I pray that just maybe he is blessing you with dreams of the family that will soon be yours! A family full of laughter, love, acceptance, and support!

Hang on girls, we are coming to you as soon as we can!

Love you Yana! Love you Shawnee!

Love, Mama

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

While I'm Waiting....

*** song by John Waller ***
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Bold or Reckless?

What does it mean exactly to be BOLD for God?
BOLD: 1a : fearless before danger : intrepid b : showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit 2. adventurous, free [ bold thinker]

RECKLESS: 1 : marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences
2 irresponsible

Remember the story of Rahab, the prostitute who hid spies from the king because the spies were from Israel, Gods chosen country?

Joshua 2:3-7 3 So the king of Jericho sent this message to Rahab: "Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land."

4 But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them. She said, "Yes, the men came to me, but I did not know where they had come from. 5 At dusk, when it was time to close the city gate, the men left. I don't know which way they went. Go after them quickly. You may catch up with them." 6 (But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stalks of flax she had laid out on the roof.) 7 So the men set out in pursuit of the spies on the road that leads to the fords of the Jordan, and as soon as the pursuers had gone out, the gate was shut.

Was she bold or reckless? She KNEW God was with Israel, she knew how dangerous hiding spies was, she knew things may not go well and she asked for no conditions prior to hiding the spies.... She had knowledge and made a the choice she felt was with God. Only afterwards did she ask for protection for her family.

There are many more examples in the bible, but this story is on my mind as our sermon last night was on choices and giving your best to God. Based partly on the story of Rahab. She is listed in the hall of faith [Hebrews] for her actions! THAT IS HUGE!!!! {It seems to me like }GOD is saying, "Look here at Rahab! Her FAITH has pleased me!"

Rahab showed boldness for God! She was "fearless before danger", she showed a "fearless daring spirit"... "adventuress, free" ... hhhmmmm, free of the rules written by the world?

So as most things these days seem to with me, it brings me to the subject of adoption. Is the choice to adopt reckless or bold? Obviously each situation is different, but where do the rules of the world influence us over the power of God?

Some of the easy places this happens are FINANCES... that is HUGE. Because as in our case, we aren't just talking finances for the adoption itself, but the raising of what would be 9 children thereafter! 2 of which have very special needs, not all of which we understand the scope of ahead of time.

Another is just the inherent risk of not knowing what issues the child or children will have... one has an idea, but not the exact needs or extent. Now I realize that when one has a child by birth, this can be the case also. And again, the world says that is acceptable or better yet, not acceptable so then abortion enters the picture. And on top of that, what one risks for an infant is more acceptable to the world than what one would risk for an older child.

Then there is also the "emotional risk". In the adoption world a child is never definitely yours until the legal process if over. It is so hard to engage ones heart in this process, but yet almost impossible not to. As sometimes your heart is what pulls your through, and God is the leader your heart is following.

What other risks? Some are personal, some or universal... some that have been brought up as concerns to me are "the well being of our other children"... will they resent us for this? Can our marriage withstand the demands of a special needs child? What about when we are older? Do you want a child living with you forever? What if they are hurtful, harm the other children? How will the current children feel having to introduce a black sibling, an Asian sibling, a blind sibling, a mentally disabled sibling, esp. if that child enters the family at an older age?
These are ALL valid concerns!!!!

Emotions are NOT wrong! Ignoring them does not make them go away! And sometimes what we feel is out of our control! But I have some great news:

19When we love others, we know that we belong to the truth, and we feel at ease in the presence of God. 20But even if we don't feel at ease, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. [CEV]

God can overcome your feelings of doubt, your preconceived notions, your prejudices, your lack of resources, your lack of knowledge! Remember when you can't, GOD CAN!

I love this quote that is on the blog site of a friend of mine, I don't remember the author.

"God doesn't call the qualified. He QUALIFIES the CALLED!"

Can I get an Amen!? Doesn't that just erase your fears, bring peace to your mind, quiet you "what ifs"?, and make you want to shout "GLORY!!!!" If it doesn't my friends, check your pulse! ;)

Do you have knowledge of God and His ways? Are you in contact with Him? Do you realize that God does not work solely within the parameters set by the rulers of this world? Are you ready to be BOLD for GOD? Not reckless my friend! You have knowledge, you have His ear, you know what might happen, but you are choosing to walk into the fire and and reach for His hand!!! Walk forward in faith and embrace your heart and His. Say YES to the child GOD has pre-ordained as your son or daughter! Or if you are reading this, not looking to adopt, but wondering about another calling from GOD... say YES! He can't make the choice for you, but HE can make a way for you!!!

THAT is FAITH my friends! That is not recklessness! THAT is a fearless, daring spirit, shored up by the HOLY SPIRIT dwelling in you! THAT is BOLDNESS! GOD offers no guarantees on this earth of ease, and success in life. Quite the opposite. BUT HE is worth it!

2 Corinthians 11: 23-31

23Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?

30If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. 31The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, who is to be praised forever, knows that I am not lying.

I am so excited to study BOLDNESS this morning! As I wrote I worked through the questions in my mind. I had been accused of being reckless with this adoption, and I thought it deserved my consideration. I do not see reckless here, I see BOLDNESS!

Lord make my heart more like yours everyday! Lord let me keep my eyes on you! Lord let me praise you as you give, and let me praise you as you take away! I am so thankful that you are my unchanging, always good, always present, always strong heavenly Father! Thank you for my many blessings of family, friends, church, freedom, health, and many other things. In Your Name, AMEN!

Friday, August 7, 2009


GOT IT!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! MY HS IS IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!! !!!!

Can I get a wooooo-hoooooo! ????

I just got an email and she put it in the mail this evening!

So from me to AAC for final approval from a Hague accredited source,and hoping no changes need made! After that, USCIS here we come! Thank you for the prayers!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Praise God! Update on my girls!

I thank God for Toni! She is awesome! She is the facilitator in our girls country. And praise God, she was able to get a small update on my girls! This helps, really.... they are REAL, they are DOING WELL all things considered. My heart is light today....

I wanted to share it with my friends who would understand! This is the message that I got:

Praise the Lord, I was able to talk to both directors and they gave me updates on the girls. Yana is doing well, though not progressing much since he last time I saw her. A specialist works with her once a day besides the PT and other therapists at the orphanage. She is healthy and cheers up when someone approaches her. She started getting up on her feet on her own and walk assisted by the personnel.

As to Shawnee the director said that she is always healthy and doesn't get sick. She said Shawnee is managing well on her own and is pretty adapted to her blindness. Also, she said Shawnee is a beautiful child with thick wavy hair and perfect little body.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

this and that...

In an effort to help me overcome my frustration I asked our facilitator in our girls country for an update of teh girls. Don't know if she is able to do this for us yet, but it would really help if I had something current to hold onto!

In thinking of them, I am making a list of a few things I will need to have on hand when they come home.

1. a toddler bed and crib mattress
2. nice supply of pull ups
3. girls clothes size 4t and 3t
4. a highchair
5. a blender for mashing Yana's food
6. a double stroller would be really nice!
7. some new developmental toys. Luke was never into toys much, so I dont' really have much beside superheros! :)
8. a couple of bottles for Yana, though praying for her sake she is no longer taking a bottle by then as she is already 6 years old!
9. a dresser, preferably large enough for them to share
10. oops, forgot... crib and toddler bed bedding!
11. a couple of baby gates, esp. because Shawnee can't see
12. a support group of at least someone who can go to dr.s appts., or babysit, or just come over and talk to me as I may be home bound with the 2 girls plus Luke who is only 3, and may just need someone to listen to my concerns and fears w/o judgement

That doesn't sound too daunting. Now for the list of things that have to happen to bring them home, outside of the everyday things that need to happen as part of life. :)

1. find the MONEY/Funds to pay all the fees for the adoption, travel etc.
2. Homestudy, USCIS, passports, Dossier, MOJ approval, travel to country on trip 1, return and file I-800, approval and travel for 2nd trip and bring girls home. [that is only all the things in a nutshell!]
3. get the girls room ready after I decide what room they will be in, which may entail remodeling our basement and moving a couple of boys down there. But we have an office that can double as a bedroom for a bit if needed, so this is a totally non stress item to complete. :)

Now, Yanas birthday is in March. I would love to see her home before her birthday! Shawnees is in Nov. so I dont' think they will make it home, but God willing let me travel before that on the first trip!

I have not held a fundraiser because I really want our HS completed first. I feel like we can be more "serious" about our completion of the adoption if we are HS approved! That means somehow I may have a very short time to come up with 14 thousand dollars. We have the credit to borrow it, but oh how I would LOVE to NOT have to do that!!!!! It is our emergency option, but I so do NOT want to use it. But I do believe that if I were to tell God that I let the thought of more debt keep me from giving family to these 2 girls, He would be so disappointed in me! Not saying this is so for everyone, but I know it is for me.

Also, James adoption is hopefully finalized within the next couple of months! Which means we lose his foster care payment. It makes a difference, enough of one we dont' want to lose it! So we are trying to find ways to scrimp and stretch. Following are a list of ways we may stretch dollars, for a bit at least.

1. no Fall sports
2. send lunch to school for the 3-4 not in highschool [trying to decide if this will save money] James is free till adopted.
3. no eating out with friends for me, unless they pay ;)
4. no new animals, rehoming our 2 guinea pigs. Any takers?
5. keep up my weekly menu more faithfully... I know it saves us some money!
6. and some various other things here and there, plus anything else I can think of!

Some fundraising or money gathering ideas:
1. baby bottles with fliers of girls passed out to family, friends, and church to be filled with spare change.
2. bake sale and garage sale
3. coordinating with a local restaurant to have a fund raising night
4. applying for grants and possibly a low interest loan
5. asking family and friends for frequent flyer miles if that is possible!

mixed emotions...

I gotta tell you I am so sick of this feeling! This feeling of "It's never going to happen!", "This is not what God wants!", "This is not possible!", etc. It is not constant, but when it comes up on me nothing else matters or makes sense. :( And I think "is this the devils handiwork", or "is it God trying to tell me I am going the wrong way"??? I really don't know....

But I know I hate feeling this way. I hate thinking it is never going to happen. I hate feeling stupid about all the paperwork. I hate feeling unworthy, inadequate, and jealous of everyone else that it has or is working out for! .... :(

Now for the upside of my emotional rollercoaster! Last night my husband said he would reconsider traveling with me! He hates to travel, he hates new situations and change, he does not feel any excitement about traveling to a foreign country, he hates leaving the farm for long... But he is reconsidering! That makes my heart so happy..... When all of the above is not taking over.

I really am praying for a sign God! I am dense, I need something obvious! Something with a flashing arrow and my name above it that says "KELLY GO THIS WAY!" I need You to talk to me..... I need You! Amen.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Where are you?

"True success means faithfully following God in the places where we find ourselves." ----- this was in my bible.

I am reading through Joshua. I just read Ch. 1 yesterday, and we are doing a sermon series in church on it as well.

Where are you now? What is God calling you to do? Now? Are you using circumstances in your life as an excuse to say NO or NOT NOW? Or are you clinging tight to His word? Are you holding it close to your heart? Sharing it? Speaking it? Living it? Trusting it?

Be "strong and courageous" my friends! Our Lord is not limited by earthly possessions, rules, traditions, thoughts, monies, etc.

And yes, I think of adoption as I think over all this. The needs of the forgotten are REAL, CURRENT, and MIGHTY! Have you really thought about how GOD may be wanting to use you in brining a child home???? Be "strong and courageous" my friends!

YOU are an adopted child of GOD! He didn't have to welcome you, HE CHOSE TO! YOU are near and dear to His heart, He willingly brought you into His family, made you joint heirs with His precious, beloved Son! Do you have a heart like His?

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Pictures, Pictures, and More Pictures...

Hope you enjoy them. :)

the rodeo

The rodeo is always good! This year we even had a beautiful, exceptionally nice day to enjoy watching it! The kids were having a good time with all their cousins.

Group shot of the cousins :)

I love how they line up at the fence.

My nephew, Cowboy Mitch

Cowboy James

My nephew Aidan, my son Nolan

Fair, Parade, Rodeo... whatever. :)

My daughter Riley, her boyfriend Ryan :)

Johns little sister Susan, her 2 year old Mark

My daughter Riley, my little niece Megan

Quincy enjoying the end of her snowcone

My 4 year old niece Megan

My daughter Quincy, my niece Anna [they are buddies :)]

fair pics

My son Logan, who btw hates his picture taken! I had to sneak this one. :)

My nephew Liam, his twin brother is Reese.:)

James, Quincy, and Luke

Cale showing Quincy some brotherly love....

The boys (John, Luke, and James) looking angry ... :)

parade pics...


My sister Erin, her son Liam

My niece Ella

My nephew Aidan, my daughter Riley


Reese loves his Uncle John!

My husband has always been pretty good with babies. Just look at these photos! Reese couldn't get enough of his Uncle John!

the 3 amigos....

at the parade: [my boys Cale, Nolan, and James]

at the rodeo: [my nephews Nick and Mitch, my son James]