Tuesday, August 4, 2009

mixed emotions...

I gotta tell you I am so sick of this feeling! This feeling of "It's never going to happen!", "This is not what God wants!", "This is not possible!", etc. It is not constant, but when it comes up on me nothing else matters or makes sense. :( And I think "is this the devils handiwork", or "is it God trying to tell me I am going the wrong way"??? I really don't know....

But I know I hate feeling this way. I hate thinking it is never going to happen. I hate feeling stupid about all the paperwork. I hate feeling unworthy, inadequate, and jealous of everyone else that it has or is working out for! .... :(

Now for the upside of my emotional rollercoaster! Last night my husband said he would reconsider traveling with me! He hates to travel, he hates new situations and change, he does not feel any excitement about traveling to a foreign country, he hates leaving the farm for long... But he is reconsidering! That makes my heart so happy..... When all of the above is not taking over.

I really am praying for a sign God! I am dense, I need something obvious! Something with a flashing arrow and my name above it that says "KELLY GO THIS WAY!" I need You to talk to me..... I need You! Amen.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my friend, PLEASE do not allow your heart to grow weary. I KNOW the wait, the paperwork, the concern about finances can all take it's toll on you. Try to put a hedge of protection around your mind and do not allow the enemy in there--He will steal your joy in this.
    That is so wonderful your hubby may go with :)
    Take one day at a time. God is MORE than able to meet every single need you have.
    Love and hugs.