Monday, September 14, 2009

WARNING: Mothers heart under construction....

... and the paint is still wet! God is just not finished with me yet!

I am not a very good person. I TRY hard, but the "internal me", the "worldly me", the "sinful me" just pops up every now and again.

I am making slow but steady progress on our dossier to be sent to Bulgaria. God has renewed my mind enough to look and think about the paper work that needs done yet, and put some thought into some much needed action. Apparently, I have found, I have a "condition" that makes my mind shut down at the thought of piles of paperwork! Seriously!

But I am reading this WONDERFUL book, called "Adopted For Life" by Russell Moore. The other day I read these words:

"Fill out the paperwork "with a good will as to the Lord and not to man [Eph. 6: 5-7]. Yes, some of the paperwork and some of the exercises are overlapping, mindless, and trivial. Imagine, though, that Jesus himself is asking you to fill out this stuff, and do it with joyfulness and gratitude."

What a lovely kick in the pants that was! I NEEDED that reminder!

Got time for some honesty? I have found that there is a side of me I dont' like. It is the side that sees others getting donations over and over, of getting a sudden windfall, of getting a step further in this whole adoption process and I don't like it!

Well, its not that I dont' like it, because I do rejoice with them GREATLY!!!! I pour over their stories as they go meet their children and as they bring them home. I absorb and am inspired by the faith that sustains and drives them! I even cry tears of joy with some of them. The stories of the ransom of another child into a Christian family is just so much like looking directly at the heart of God! How can one not be moved to tears and an almost reverent wonder!?

But I HATE that initial feeling of ugliness that pops up before I can stop it! I want it GONE, SHUT DOWN, and OBLITERATED!!!!! Because GOD is moving in their lives and that is all the reason I need to fall on my knees and worship!

BUT, HE is lovingly and generously giving me another reason! HE is moving in my life as well! Slow but steady progress IS BEING MADE! WE are getting closer! HE is in control! I will continue to fight for my girls! But the cool part is they don't really need me to. They have the greatest warrior, protector, advocate, and parent of all time. GOD is on THEIR side!

So rejoice with me as we continue to move forward one document at a time! Rejoice with so many who are moving forward with their adoption journeys! God is moving, HE is setting the "solitary into families"

I am so happy so many are willing to share in my journey as I share in theirs.


  1. Oh my dear friend--your honesty is absolutely precious. Not many are willing to share their hearts as you do. I admire you.
    Yes, the adoption journey certainly is one that can bring out the best, and the worst in all of us. Amazing things happen when you step out and trust God so completely for something. Somehow the enemy just loves to throw little obstacles in our way!

    Stand firm, dear friend. You're an amazing woman of a mighty God!!!

  2. Yep....doing the whole 177ish pages of Eyes Wide Open "training" journal thing. Thinking....really? I have 7 adopted children....been there...done this.....could write this book. UGLY! I should be jumping for joy to do this book- because I love our daughter, I want to bring her home, I LOVE OUR CALLING, I love being done with this paperwork!!! So refocus my mind - bring it under HIS control, and buckle up and do it! So we can get over and bring her home! Totally feeling you on that.

  3. I can understand your words so exactly, they sound like mine! It broke my heart when we had to stop our adoption after doing so much paperwork but with no job, we can't proceed...

    I will pray and cheer you on!

  4. Thank you all! Judy, you have been on my heart! Praying that someday soon you can proceed with your adoption plans!