Friday, April 30, 2010

Did you know, I just LOVE being a MOM!???

I do! I always have! IT is what I have always wanted, since I was little.

There was a time not too long ago, prior to our committing to the girls, that I cried out to God to either take this desire to be a MOM again out of my heart forever or to soften my husbands heart. I didn't understand why, over and over again, the world and the people in it kept telling me I had to "get over it", that I couldn't be a "mom with children at home" forever, that there were limits to what a family could look like.

So I prayed, and I asked God "WHY?". "Why give me this heart that never wants to NOT be a mom with children at home as long as I am able?" "I don't want to feel this way, so please just take this burden from my heart!"

Well, God gave me an answer to that prayer! Not the one I was ever expecting. He didn't take the desire away, but He led me to a child that will most likely never live independently. Yana is my forever child. She is the reason for this burden in my heart. She is the reason that God did NOT take away the burden, but that He gently re-directed it. "Here is where you need to be." "Here, with this little girl, is that answer you seek."

I don't know how "proper" it is, but the thought of having Yana with me through adulthood excites me! It leaves me overjoyed! I LOVE being a mom! I don't want to stop! I don't get tired of it! [I do wish for a little privacy every now and then, or for something to be easy... :)]

But when I pray for God to send me the children of my heart... when I say "YES" God and wait to see what He asks of me... when I say "Where, who, when, how many...?" I can say all that w/o hesitation. When the passion in your heart collides with the needs of the world and is biblically sound... YOU KNOW YOU ARE WHERE GOD WANTS YOU TO BE!

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For the record, I am a terrible housekeeper, a bad cook, out of shape, bad at organization, a procrastinator, and a terrible money manager among other things .... not exactly good qualities for the position of MOM! And yet, oh how I LOVE being MOM!!! God gets me through the roadblocks, and each morning I thank Him for letting me still be on this earth, still being mom to my 7 beautiful children, soon to be 9!!!

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if we will adopt again. For me it is an unequivocal YES, but my husband and I are partners, and the needs of Yana and Tavi are yet to be really known. But I pray that where GOD leads us, we will go! And as I have told God... if He sends me children, or sends me to them, I will say YES!

What a blessed mom I am this morning! Thank you Jesus. My heart, created by you and for you... it is full to overflowing!

6 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for saying all this. I had a good crying jag yesterday. We are getting so close. I told my husband how Im not good with the budget, he does it, Im not good at papers and this adoption was full of just that, and I hear more once we get home with re-adopting etc, Im not very organized and not good at keeping a schedule, I went down the list of what Im really not good at but it all has to be done to bring little G home. Ive never bought airline tickets and Ive only flown once on a little jet. Just overwhelmed and trying to trust God to fill in the cracks. We know that we have always wanted this. Not just me. God is doing it and I keep worrying that this or that will get messed up etc. Anyhow, all that said. I am rejoicing that God is giving me the chance to mother again. Not many understand in my real world. thats why Ive enjoyed meeting bloggy friends. ;)

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  2. BEAUTIFUL post, my friend. Just wonderful.

    I KNOW you'll say YES in the future!!!!!!

    Can't wait to see where He leads you.

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  3. Love the honesty! I too LOVE, love being a mom. However, I have my quirks that could fool some :-)

    Love from a mama in the North,
    Summer

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  4. I love this post- I feel the same way. I have always been like this and at times I thought there was something wrong with me.

    We are so much a like- soon I will be the Mom to 9, too! I would love to adopt again but we will see where God leads us. I am bad with money, bad homemaker, bad at organization but I love organization which at times can be frustrating. To top it off I am a horrible cook!

    We really need to get together!

    I love the joy you have in your heart for the children!

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