I do! I always have! IT is what I have always wanted, since I was little.
There was a time not too long ago, prior to our committing to the girls, that I cried out to God to either take this desire to be a MOM again out of my heart forever or to soften my husbands heart. I didn't understand why, over and over again, the world and the people in it kept telling me I had to "get over it", that I couldn't be a "mom with children at home" forever, that there were limits to what a family could look like.
So I prayed, and I asked God "WHY?". "Why give me this heart that never wants to NOT be a mom with children at home as long as I am able?" "I don't want to feel this way, so please just take this burden from my heart!"
Well, God gave me an answer to that prayer! Not the one I was ever expecting. He didn't take the desire away, but He led me to a child that will most likely never live independently. Yana is my forever child. She is the reason for this burden in my heart. She is the reason that God did NOT take away the burden, but that He gently re-directed it. "Here is where you need to be." "Here, with this little girl, is that answer you seek."
I don't know how "proper" it is, but the thought of having Yana with me through adulthood excites me! It leaves me overjoyed! I LOVE being a mom! I don't want to stop! I don't get tired of it! [I do wish for a little privacy every now and then, or for something to be easy... :)]
But when I pray for God to send me the children of my heart... when I say "YES" God and wait to see what He asks of me... when I say "Where, who, when, how many...?" I can say all that w/o hesitation. When the passion in your heart collides with the needs of the world and is biblically sound... YOU KNOW YOU ARE WHERE GOD WANTS YOU TO BE!
For the record, I am a terrible housekeeper, a bad cook, out of shape, bad at organization, a procrastinator, and a terrible money manager among other things .... not exactly good qualities for the position of MOM! And yet, oh how I LOVE being MOM!!! God gets me through the roadblocks, and each morning I thank Him for letting me still be on this earth, still being mom to my 7 beautiful children, soon to be 9!!!
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if we will adopt again. For me it is an unequivocal YES, but my husband and I are partners, and the needs of Yana and Tavi are yet to be really known. But I pray that where GOD leads us, we will go! And as I have told God... if He sends me children, or sends me to them, I will say YES!
What a blessed mom I am this morning! Thank you Jesus. My heart, created by you and for you... it is full to overflowing!