I worry about the flu virus....

I don't worry about my children here in the US. Good medicine, good health, good immune systems ... they will be fine.

But my girls in Bulgaria do not have any of that! And you know that the Roma children in the orphanages and institutions will not get vaccines, medicines, or the love they need to overcome the flu! :(

Pandemic in Bulgaria

Riley

My oldest on the left... and 2 of her closest friends before homecoming. Isn't she pretty? :) Takes after her mom, she does! ;)

Sacrifices and Blessings...

What I have asked of my kids in order to raise a large family through birth and adoption:

1. I have asked them to give up material things that their friends readily have. The lastest MP3 players, the latest computer or video games, a nicer car, bigger and nicer family vacations, more presents at Christmas or birthdays, more toys, nicer clothes, brand name food, more extra curricular activities, new shoes at the beginning of the school year, school pictures, going to the movies, going out to eat, and so on.

2. I have asked them to share my attention getting less one on one time. I have asked them to be more patient and for the older children to step up and help when my hands are full with one of the other kids. I have asked them to help each other learn to read, cook, throw a ball, ride a bike, or build a fort. I have asked them to baby sit their younger siblings time and again. I have asked them to clean, cook, pick up, wash, feed the pets, and be responsible for their own messes. I have asked my older kids to hold down a part time job so that they can help buy things they need or want.

3. I have asked them to reach outside of the boundaries that the world would set for them in order to have a greater love of Gods creation. I have asked them to have a compassionate and understanding love for people of different races, cultures, nations, shapes and sizes, makes and models, and different beginnings.

4. I have asked them to see that though college may not be paid for specifically by us, that they will always have our support and love. That we will do absolutely everything we can to help them be successful in life, but that true success is based on Gods criteria, not the worlds.

5. I have asked them to see that life is worth fighting for. I have asked that they see that just because things are difficult, financially tight, at odds with the world, go against common sense, and scary do not mean that one should quit. Instead it is an even greater reason to cling tight to God and put our trust in Him.

6. I have asked them to never be afraid to be BOLD for God! I have asked them to understand that when God calls you to it, He WILL see you through it!

7. I have asked them to be there for each other, that family matters! I have asked them to care for, encourage, fight for, love and depend on each other.

I have asked so much of them. And I pray that God blesses each one of them, as He has blessed me, with seeing His hands in the creation of our family! I want them to see that love has no boundaries, no borders, no blood ties but instead GOD ties. I have asked them to see that God intricately designs a family, knitting us together so that we may glorify Him.

It is my feverent prayer that each of my children go through life with God at the wheel. That they may be bold for Him. Answering His call for their life with a resounding YES LORD, YES LORD, YES, YES LORD!!!!!!!!!

Deuteronomy 30:6 The Lord your God will prepare you and your descendants to love him with your whole being so that you will live.

I found this on a fellow bloggers page and thought the translation to perfect to pass up:

"If it seems that we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us."
II Corinthians 5:13-14a

Come on, let your heart get fired up! :)

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Thankful Thursday...

A lot of blogs I read celebrate Thursday by having "Thankful Thursday". So today I thought I would follow suit!

I give thanks to my Heavenly Father today for:

* My husband, John. For 17 years we have shared laughter and tears, joys and sorrows, children by birth and adoption, family, farming woes, spiritual journeys, financial success and failure, new friendships, the dissolution of old friendships, and so much more. God knew what He was doing when He blessed our life together!

* My children: Riley for her compassion and sunny view of life, Logan for challenging everything I thought I knew about raising kids and for his rare but heartfelt "I love yous.", Nolan for being laid back and for always being able to make me smile, Cale for his huge desire to ENJOY life and his defense of the defenseless, Quincy for her tenacity and for her unique way of looking at things, James for his courageous spirit and will to fight, Luke for his energy, vibrance, and outgoing personality.

* My life: I can honestly say that this is where I want to be in life, who I want to be, and who I want to be with! I have day dreams, but they are just adding to what I already get to experience each day....

* My God: I am so thankful for YOU! I am so thankful that you love me so much that you want to reveal your glory to me! I am so thankful that you never, NEVER let me down!

* Tiffany and Shamika: I am so thankful for both of you. You gave life to my children and loved them enough to let them go. How I pray you see Gods Spirit at work in your life!

* My Yana and Shawnee: I am thankful for you for so many reasons. Loving you, adopting you has allowed me to see the Glory of God! To see His goodness, his kindness, his heart, his provision, his tender mercies.... oh my precious babies... if you only knew how much you are dearly loved! I look at your pictures and my arms ache to hold you. I think about you all the time. Soon I will be thankful for having you in my arms, but until then I am so very thankful to God for allowing me to share this journey to you with Him!

Today I "Give thanks with a grateful heart because I am a child, dear to the heart of my heavenly Father!"

More fun [not] on the roller coaster of adoption...

Need more prayers! In the girls country there is some upheaval in the adoption system that isn't in our favor! Please pray for wisdom to serve the childrens best interest! There are so many that need to come home, and this will all be messy and delayed if it isn't straightened out. I don't understand it all, dont' want to either. I just want God to fix it. :(

Generous blessings....

I have a wonderful friend that I spent the majority of my childhood with. We had the chickenpox together in 3rd grade and she got to come over to my house while everyone else was at school.

We thought it was so cool! :)

In grade school we had a list of something like 50 imaginary friends and we would choose which ones to play with each day. If one of us came to school with a "new friend", then the other one would make one up that was similar.

In 5th grade we did a science fair project together. It was on an Apple computer. You know the kind that had a huge monitor and only green showed up on the screen. It was on the state of KS if I remember correctly. We did really well at the contest!

We spent HOURS playing in the woods around her house doing all sorts of best friend things. We played "Dukes of Hazard" all the time! She was Luke and I was Bo. And uh... it wasn't really anything like the TV show. :) But it provided loads of entertainment and good times!

We might have been just a little strange. :) But boy, did we have fun together! I couldn't have asked for a better best friend in my childhood!!!!!

Angie is a very kind and loving person. She is a person of great character that follows through on her promises. She is non judgmental, and fun to be around! She has blessed my family with a generous donation towards our adoption. It was unexpected, but so appreciated!!!!

I am so thankful for her and her husbands thoughtfulness! May the Lord stretch their givings and may the Lord bless them mightily in return!!

Prayer for a grant!

Hi Ya'll. :)

I wanted to ask for prayer. We received a call today from Lifesong For Orphans. They finished reviewing our application. The volunteer who read it is writing her recommendation and will turn it into the director. We will know 2 weeks from today if we receive a matching grant! She left me feeling VERY positive that she was recommending that we do... but she didn't volunteer [probably cause she can't tell me] what exactly her recommendation was, as in grant or no grant.

If we do receive the matching grant, we have 1 week to write a fundraising letter with their help and accompanying letter of recommendation. Then there are 8 weeks left that we have to fundraise for the matching grant. :)

So please pray with me that we receive a grant, that the members of Lifesong hear clearly the Holy Spirits guidance for this situation, and that we as a family trust God with the outcome whatever it may be!

*** Just something cute. This was quite a hefty application. In it we had to answer all sorts of question pertaining to our religious beliefs, our testimonies, and our motivation to adopt. John was able to all his questions on 2 sheets of paper. They were good answers. My answers were 5 pages, and I kept it short! LOL But the lady did say she felt so blessed to have read our application. :) So I guess we didnt' appear crazy!

HOPE....

*** Change is slow, but attitudes are changing! Bless these women and this program! I feel so blessed because my girls are in an area that offers this program. I pray they are benefiting from it!

What's in a name?

YANA:

It apparently has various meanings depending on the origin.
It means Charming, God is gracious, bear, and my favorite "He answers!".

Were you asking for a family baby girl? He has answered! We are coming to you soon!

Fundraiser

I am offering a holiday shopping babysitting service. It will be Monday - Saturday 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.. It is a donation based service, as I feel that is best. I figure with 5 background checks, 2 approved homestudies and a currently inactive fostercare license... I am over qualified. :) I am starting November 2nd. We'll see how it goes.

Since I am NOT a paperwork, organization type person... I am going with my skills and my enjoyment. I am good with kids, and I enjoy them... so hopefully everyone wins here! :)

I need friends!

I need friends. I need friends that are going through this whole special needs adoption thing. I know that because I know I don't have it in my life right now. I live in a small town, and there isnt' a large variety of lifestyles in some ways. [I love my town though].

I dont' make friends easily I guess. Probably because I don't have time to do much outside of family and being a farm wife. That's okay, I love my life. But I realize that for all my desire to have friends to confide in and cry with and vent with and share fears with and share joys with now, once my girls are home it will be IMPERATIVE!

My blog is kind of boring. I just don't have that exciting of a life... busy, but not exciting to most [I love it though!]. :) I can get to talking your ear off, but I am not much of a writer.

If you are feeling the same let me know. The internet can be a curse or a blessing, but in this case I see it as a blessing.

For those that are regular visitors, you mean so much to me! I am so happy to share in your journeys... past and/or present! Thank you. :)

Today?

Will our I800a approval come today???? I wake up in excited expectation nearly everyday now! It is coming, I just don't know when!

It is the last thing we need before we have everything apostilled. I am still praying to have our dossier completed by Nov. 1st!!!!!

All Is Good Now.

Panic attack over. Apparently it has all been worked out, and as long as I have the letter stating they don't return fingerprint cards, all is good! All that fit throwing for nothing....

Ever feel like you are the last to know?

Do you know that I HATE delays?????

Okay, so I had been waiting, and waiting for our FBI fingerprint cards to be returned. It has taken almost 6 weeks. We were told they no longer return the cards. So we wrote a letter explaining why we needed them. That was supposed to work. WRONG!

Now we are told, after receiving our background checks in the mail today, that they will only return the cards with a letter from the BULGARIAN ADOPTION AGENCY! That isn't real quick and easy! The agency is an ocean and continent away!

I PAY taxes. Does our government not even have the courtesy to CALL and tell me this!!!! I called to check on our fingerprints last week. The lady was very nice, told me they would be mailed out on Monday. Never mentioned anything about not getting the fingerprint cards back! I guess I am nobody to this wonderful government I vote for, serve, and pay for!

**** I am venting! I love the US! But SHEESH!

It's Never enough... or is it?

Please take time to click on the following link to another blog. The question of "Do I have enough to give this child?" is answered so eloquently!

http://jerdebwalker.blogspot.com/2009/10/its-never-enough-or-is-it.html

Epilepsy and Quincy

So we have finally heard back from the Dr. on the results of my 9 year old daughters suspected seizures. She does in fact have epilepsy. Not news we were excited to hear, but in a way we were glad to hear it. It was obvious that something was going on... and so knowing that we can 1. identify what it was and 2. easily treat it with medication makes the diagnosis not to terribly scary.

Here is info on her specific form of epilepsy:

Absence Epilepsy

People with absence epilepsy have repeated absence seizures. Absence epilepsy tends to run in families. The seizures frequently begin in childhood or adolescence. If the seizures begin in childhood, they usually stop at puberty.

Although the seizures don't have a lasting effect on intelligence or other brain functions, children with absence epilepsy frequently have so many seizures that it interferes with school and other normal activities.

Absence seizures.

Absence seizures, also called petit mal (which means "little sickness"), cause a momentary loss of consciousness. These episodes usually last less than 30 seconds and may be so brief that they go unnoticed. People with absence epilepsy can experience as many as 50 to 100 of these seizures a day. They may look as though they are simply staring off into space or they may go rigid or jerk and twitch.

This all started the end of last school year. At first we were concerned about her hearing, but then noticed that even when we talked louder she wouldn't respond. So then we decided [God forgive us!] that she was just the biggest air head we had ever seen. But every once in a while something would seem more than just "spacing off", and I made the comment to my husband in late August that "If I didnt' know any better, I would think it was a seizure. You know, the kind where you freeze and stare off into space..." It never really occurred to me that this was a very real condition!

So anyway, fast forward to Sept. and I get a call from the school nurse saying that her teacher was concerned because he thought Quincy had a seizure in class. The nurse seemed almost embarrassed to call and tell me, but felt that she should. I laughed, but told her I knew exactly what behavior he was seeing. I then felt more justified in my comment of it possibly being a seizure, so I called the Dr. Who ordered an EEG, and here we are with a daughter who will be going on anti seizure meds.

We are praying that this is something she will outgrow. But if not, then that it is at the least easily controlled. John has an aunt [his dads sister] with Epilepsy, but it occurs with Grand Mal seizures, not petite mal like Quincy. And my mom has a cousin with the same condition as Johns aunt. So while it is in "the genes", it is strange to me that it has skipped so many and landed on Quincy.

Anyway, that is my news of the week in the continuing saga of parenthood! I have decided that if one has enough kids, you will experience most everything by the time they are grown. :)

Transracial, interracial, multiracial....

The following is from a sermon by John Piper. I encourage you to take the time to read it! My heart always sings when I read something so inspiring, so full of good "God" sense, so wonderful! There are some amazingly gifted speakers on the word of God in our world today!

...interracial marriage is not only permitted by God but is a positive good in our day. That is, it is not just to be tolerated, but celebrated. This is extremely controversial since it is opposed by people from all sides.

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2005/198_Racial_Harmony_and_Interracial_Marriage/

Wanted to share with you all....

One thing people, esp. Christians, need to understand is that adoption is not a random selection of a child. God is a SPECIFIC God! He has a child or children in mind for you. God sets the lonely into families, and knits a specific family together.--KM

Thank God for your children and families friends! They are tailor made by your Creators hands!!

PROGRESS!

USCIS fingerprints..... CHECK!

And I know they are looking at our application because I received notice to send in a small addendum to our HS! I actually found that good as it is very easy for our SW to complete, AND it means they are looking at it and hopefully that small thing is all they need! My social worker has written it up and printed it off. It should be in the mail tomorrow! YIPEE!

This is "almost" starting to feel real! I am going to be a mama to 2 more little girls! I REALLY WANT to go shopping! It is like the pink line has just shown up on the ept test! .....

NOW if I could just get our FBI fingerprint cards back... it has been 4 weeks! I thought that is all it took! UGH!

Then apostilling documents, and we will send it all off to AAC for their final approval. Then, off to Bulgaria they go!

PLEASE GOD let me travel in JANUARY if not before!!!! ALL in your timing ... give me patience and my girls good health and extra love! Let them come home with lightening speed! AMEN!

*** ps... I will give up tortilla chips and salsa for good if they can come home soon! ... HONEST!

I find this appalling!

The following was listed on an adoption facilitator website!

Need FLORIDA families (only Florida) who are open to Full Caucasian babies - fees are approx $42k - $45k.

Are you kidding me???? 45 GRAND!?? That really is buying and selling a child! That ought to be illegal!

Ain't she a doll????

Sorry, but the picture won't copy smaller! UGH. She is really very cute, and I think quite a bit underweight judging from the picture. If I could do 3 girls I would. But I do know my limits here, not to mention my husbands! :)

Isn't this little girl adorable???? She turns 3 on the 14th. She turns 3 and yet there is no one celebrating. No one who cares. When a child turns 3 someone should care right? Someone should lovingly make a cake with Elmo or Dora on it! Someone should stick 3 candles in it! Someone should buy her a doll, a pair of shoes, a teddy bear, and a princess dress! Instead, her day will be exactly the same as the day before, and the day after. It will be spent mostly in silence, hunger, and boredom. It is making me very sad today....

Here is her info if you are interested:

Girl, Born October 14, 2006
Main diagnosis: Miopatia. Hernia diaphragmalis - condition after surgery. Lagging behind in her development.
FULL MEDICAL RECORDS AVAILABLE

contact bamaroberts@comcast.net if you want to know more, or want to donate to her adoption fund. Maybe this will be her last Christmas w/o her family!

Agree or disagree?

Addictions are ultimately a disorder of worship.

our dossier, the easy way....

Okay, so anyone that has read this blog for awhile knows that organization is NOT my forte! I hate it, I hate paperwork, I hate keeping track of things!

But I have found a totally easy and cool way to organize not only my mind, but the paperwork for my dossier as well. Now, I realize most, if not all of you, probably do this. But honestly, it was a totally radical idea to me. Which probably tells you just what I mean when I say I am NOT good at organization.

Anyway, I went out and bought a 1 inch binder. And lots of see through plastic inserts. I have a list that clearly states each item needed for the dossier. But even with that list my mind was oatmeal when it came to figuring it all out. So I bought labels and wrote each item on a label and put a label on each clear plastic insert. I now can see exactly WHAT I have, and WHAT I need to get to complete the dossier. And it is neat, organized, wrinkle free, and almost done!

So if anyone out there is as inept as me at organizing, this method comes HIGHLY recommended from yours truly.

*** And I received my photo book from Shutterfly [post below] today. It is PERFECT! So glad I chose to do it that way! And it is stuck nicely in a plastic insert with its own label "Family Pictures". :)

The Emotional Roller Coaster... also known as the adoption journey!

Where to start?

Well, 3 weeks ago we received the notice in the mail from USCIS that we were to go to Wichita [1 hr. and 45 min away] to be fingerprinted today. That is just over a month from when they received our application. So, off John and I went at 8:30 this morning with a cranky 3 year old, and 2 other kids [both of which were running fevers].

We arrived 10 minutes early. Waiting just over 15 minutes at the window for our turn, only to be told to go to a different window. So off we went to the other window. A window is which we were told "We can't do any fingerprints today, our machine is broke". "We have a walk in day, Wednesday [YESTERDAY when the machine WORKED!??]. You can come back then or write to reschedule."

Now, there are not many times I can recall that I can not hide my emotions, but this time I just couldn't. I couldn't even manage a smile, and my eyes got teary. [embarassing!] Anyway, I said I understood, these things happen. And I walked away, just kind of in a fog. Feeling like I was over reacting, but also feeling like my heart just fell to the ground and the government stepped all over it. [I am betting you other adopting parents will totally understand this feeling!]

As we were driving home, I was so sad and frustrated, but I realized I wasn't angry. I wasn't scared or discouraged. I had an overwhelming sense of peace that "GOD'S GOT THIS!"

I don't know WHY it happened like this. I don't know how this will affect the timing of things, if it will at all. It seems easy enough to me to let the blasted machine work today, but I am not God and I do not know what he knows. But I do know that HE is in control, that His timing is perfect. I can truly and faithfully say that no matter how sad, or frustrated I am, I have a very real sense of peace in His ability and desire to bring my girls home. I wanted them yesterday, but for whatever reason, God has a better plan. And I choose to trust in Him!

So, it looks like next Wednesday for our fingerprints. Things are not broken, doors are not shut... things are just temporarily delayed. I can handle delays. I can handle them because God is in control, not me. And that is nothing but an absolute blessing! Praise be to God! He is amazing.


... and just in case you are doubting that he really cares... when I got home I got the mail. My PASSPORT was in the mail! It could have come on any day, but God made sure it got here today. He loves me. He cares. He wants me to be absolutely, positively, and indubitably content to rest in His will and provision! Now all I need are USCIS clearance, and my FBI fingerprints and my dossier will be complete, and I am ready to travel!

God is too big for us. His works are too amazing. His love to vast. His knowledge is beyond our comprehension. He is a WARRIOR, fighting for every last one of us!

Never forget for a single second the special place that the "forgotten" hold in His heart. He sees, He cares, He rocks tenderly, and He LOVES Yana, Shawnee, Levi, Hailee, Jeremiah, Ava, and so many, many more.

He IS the defender of orphans. And He is mad, and He is moving, and He will right the wrongs done to them. Praise God that He is too big for me to comprehend! Praise God that He is who He is, was, and is to come.

My heart is mended, it wasn't broken like I thought. It was just bruised. God has healed it, made it like new, and I am at peace.

bulgaria dossier photo book

Click here to view this photo book larger

This is our photo book that goes as part of our dossier to Bulgaria. I hope they like what they see! I really am terrible at remembering to take pictures, so I had to hunt to find at least a couple of everyone! It was really fun to make. I have not made one before. And shutterfly is REALLY fast!

Not good at this computer thing!

UGH! Do you have any idea how long it took me to change the background of this blog to something cool????? Things still are not quite right, but I am quitting for the night!

Enjoy!

Baby Yana

No, not my Yana. This little angel is special to me because I am her prayer and Christmas angel warrior. I will be hopefully having some fun ways to bring her to her mommys attention, whomever that may be! :) She has Down syndrome and will be 2 years old in January. You can't tell me she isn't as cute as they come!

Here is her blog! Hopefully there will be a giveaway posted ASAP so that the money will go into her grant fund! http://yanasprayer.blogspot.com/

The many faces of Luke...

Luke is 3 1/2 years old. He is a monster ball of energy, capability, talent, charm, tenaciousness, joy, and just plain fun. But he can wear the best of babysitters out! At 3 he does headstands, flips, climbs up ropes and poles, climbs trees, and basically terrorizes the neighborhood [figuratively as we live in the country :)] I thought I would give you a glimpse of "my little angel, all jacked up on MT. Dew" as we refer to him! :)

The pics are out of order, but I struggled to get them on here as is! :) Enjoy! I think you will get the idea....

Interior decorating help!

I NEED blinds or curtains or something. This window faces west, so the sun is shining right into the window as we sit down for supper and it makes it so uncomfortable to see! Plus, I needed something this summer to help keep the heat down, but couldn't ever decide on anything. Anyone good with window decor?

I can't figure out a color or a style. Remember I have a 3 year old. Yes, the walls or a burnt orange color. They are painted to look similar to leather, so think of a brownish/orangish leather. I did the painting myself, so be nice! LOL I also don't want to spend a fortune!

Please ignore the mess, I was gone last evening and didn't feel like picking up much before bed! :) And the carpet is just a tan, not a peachy color like the lighting of the pics show! :)